I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
