Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
