I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
cat food counts as protein by the way
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
