she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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