Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
