I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
