Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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