made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
