xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
