I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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