you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
