it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
