Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
