We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
