I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
