she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
