If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
