we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
