i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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