It's like God shit irony all over that family
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
