i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
