Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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