I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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