I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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