I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
