I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
