yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
