That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
