does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
