I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
