Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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