Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
