dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a beard to bite.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
