grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
