i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
