Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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