i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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