Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
