I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
