My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
