It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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