Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
