your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am midnight drunk by noon
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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