I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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