dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
