You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
