something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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