Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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