She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
