a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
