from now on my penis is your penis
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
