Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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