I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
