Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
