im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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